As seen in Positive Tribe Magazine
In literature, autumn represents the beginning of the end, it marks the commencement of the last quarter of the year where things begin to wind down. If we look at the seasons in terms of the human life cycle, autumn is the adult. The leaves on the trees turn from vibrant green to reds and oranges – reminding us that they are a little older and preparing for their final stage. However, when I was a teacher, autumn took on a different meaning. It was the birth of a new school year, new thoughts, new children. We were embarking on a new journey.
As we enter the season of adulthood, let’s do it being a little kinder to ourselves.
In order to do that, let’s take a drive down memory lane.
Grab a paper and pen to get the most out of this experience. If you have a GRATITUDE Journal – you will want that too. (Don’t have a GRATITUDE Journal? You can get one here. http://bit.ly/GRATJournal
Sit in a quiet space and take a few deep breaths. Jot down all of your GRATITUDE W.I.N.S., that you can recall in the past six months, focusing specifically on the ‘I” in W.I. N. S.
GRATITUDE W.I.N.S. are
W: Who or what made a difference for me?
I : What did I do for myself or someone else?
N : Did I do (or learn) something new?
S : What made me smile or laugh till my sides hurt?
As you recall these events, tune in to the details: how you felt, what you were wearing, the conversations you had.
Here are some prompts to trigger your recollection of your most recent Moments of GRATITUDE – those moments that made your heart sing.
Think about the last time:
- You had so much stinkin’ fun that the world stopped and nothing mattered but what you were doing.
- You accomplished a goal or took a step that got you closer to your goal and were really proud of yourself.
- You learned a new skill that got you super organized, saved you a whole lot of time, and put systems in place.
- You did something you’ve always wanted to do but the opportunity never presented itself or you were too afraid to.
- You stepped outside of your comfort zone because you chose to jump or you had to.
As I write this, I am brought back to August 19, 2019. For parents and students in Miami, this marks the first day of school. For my friend Mery and I, this commemorates the third anniversary of not having to go back to school. We were both teachers and resigned in June of 2017. Our first day of school ritual is different than most. As parents pack lunches and backpacks, we pack our beach bags. This day represents freedom for me – the day I broke free from the belief that I had to have a 9 to 5 in order to sustain myself and my dream was only a hobby.
The sun was blazing hot. Waves crashed against the shoreline, as flocks of pelicans and seagulls flew above our heads. Jokingly, I asked Mery to draw them the pelicans closer. Her response, “Put a fish on your head.” No sooner than she said that, schools of fish jumped out of the water, hitting us on their way by. What a sight.
Later that afternoon, we spent time at one of the hotels on Hollywood Beach. It was glorious, sitting in the lobby, having girl talk. I shared with Mery that a friend and I are hosting a Women’s Cruise in February 2020 and that I am teaching a movement class. Of course, Mery dared me to show her some of my moves. So right there in the middle of the hotel lobby, on one of the couches, I did. And it was liberating and fun, and silly, and awkward. And, IT turned into a photo session.
As I shared that story on these pages, I was back at the hotel, cracking up with my friend. I got to relive that moment. Side note: One of the benefits of keeping a GRATITUDE Journal is that you have a running list of all your accomplishments and memories that bring you joy.
While reliving your W.I.N.S., were you able to tap into your feelings, see what you were wearing, and hear what you were saying?
If I was a gambler, I would bet my last dollar that at some point in the conversation that day – you said out loud, “I should’ve done this sooner.” or “I shouldn’t be doing this now, I should be doing _______” Fill in the blank.
Before you dismiss this, take a deeper look.
That day Mery and I went to the beach, there were a ton of other things we could have been doing. However, we chose to be where we were.
Our initial instinct is to “SHOULD” on our selves for one reason or another. Doing this is like taking little jabs at your self-esteem and your self-worth. You diminish the experience you’re having, the excitement of learning something new or accomplishing a goal or simply spending time with a loved one.
My friend Burge Smith-Lyon says, “Stop SHOULDing on yourself!”
She’s right.
STOP!
Every time you “should” or “shouldn’t” on yourself – you rob these luscious experiences of love, joy happiness, and pleasure and replace it with sadness, regret, anger, and frustration. Even if it’s only for a second – it’s one too many.
I am not exempt from “SHOULDing” on myself. Now, I am much more aware and I catch myself. Just this week, I participated in an Instagram challenge. What a great experience; I learned so much and it gave me some direction when I’m using that platform and more audience engagement. Here is a perfect example of where I could have “SHOULDed” on myself.
“Why didn’t I learn this sooner? If you took the time to learn this sooner, my message would have reached many more people. I would have sold more shirts….” STOP! The bottom line, I didn’t learn it before and now I did.
THE END.
Be conscious of your internal dialogue, when you start to “SHOULD” on yourself, pay attention. Acknowledge it and where you are now.
